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Weight Loss Wisdom: Dropping The Story That Limits You
Drop the story that limits you, and you will drop the pounds. Those of us who struggle with food and weight suffer from unrealistic expectations and perfectionist thinking. We tend to live our lives with a very rigid set of rules. These rules begin with the words: I should, I must, I ought, or I need. This thinking limits our lives and happiness. We are left feeling inadequate and worthless because we can never live up to our unrealistic standards of behavior. Every failed weight loss attempt leaves us feeling more like a failure. We learned this thinking in our childhoods. We told ourselves the story that if we could just be perfect or do it better somehow, we would be loved. This thinking leaves us never feeling enough. Over the years this thinking has gained even greater power, as it has gone unchallenged and unquestioned. We now have years of shame-based behavior based on this story. We have become victims of our own thinking. When we feel badly about ourselves, we take it for granted that we are bad, never stopping to realize that it is our erroneous thoughts and beliefs that are causing us pain. There is actually nothing wrong with us. We are not flawed at all! Only our thinking is flawed. Our mistake has been to believe the insanity of our minds. We are caught in a vicious circle. Our faulty
thinking leaves us feeling bad and unworthy,
which
drives us to food or other numbing behaviors to alleviate the painful
thoughts
and resultant feelings. The key to
freedom
is to question these limiting and thoughts and beliefs through a
process of
inquiry.
By asking the right questions you can begin to see these beliefs for what they are: false, illogical, irrational and harmful to your sense of well being. Spiritual teacher Byron Katie has developed a simple series of 4 questions known as The Work. Her method of inquiry cuts sharply through the fog of self-delusion to reveal the diamond clear reality underneath. I highly recommend Byron’s book, Loving What Is. Start with each limiting thought or belief you have that is causing you pain in your life. I have my weight loss clients write out all their musts, shoulds, and oughts before doing The Work. Take a paper and pencil and begin to question your beliefs. I recommend you start with some variation of the thoughts: “ I am unworthy because I am overweight.” Or, “I should be thin.” "I need to lose weight to be happy, or successful and attractive." Or, “I’m fat and ugly.” Here are the 4 questions. Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s
true? Where’s the evidence that this thought is
true? List the evidence. How do you react when you think that thought?
Who
would you be without that thought?
Byron then has you do a simple turnaround of your belief. For a worksheet on how to do The Work, and to see it in action on video, check out Bryon’s website at www.thework.com. Some additional questions I like to ask: How does this
thought serve you? What do you get to avoid by thinking this way? Are
you willing to
let go of this thought or belief? Why not? What are you afraid will
happen if
you surrender this thought or belief? Many times we beat ourselves up because this keeps
us from taking responsibility for our lives. As long as we feel
lousy, we don't have to take risks and look too closely at ourselves.
As
long as we can blame outer circumstances - other people, places, and
things - for the state of our lives, we don't have to grow up. We can
stay right where we are: safe, sorry, and miserable. Then, we get
to be right about ourselves. Yes, we really aren't worthy of the good
things in life. Life does have a way of giving us what we expect. Reality starts with acceptance. Acceptance of
where you are at this very
moment. You don't have to like where you are, but you need to accept
where you are before you can change anything about it. When you struggle with food and weight, you struggle with reality. Reality is completely neutral. It just is. You are who you are. Your weight is the way it is. Your life is the way it is. It is a neutral, blank slate. Your suffering is caused by the story you tell yourself about reality and the story you tell yourself about your weight. Let go of the thoughts that are causing you pain. No amount of negative and critcal thinking is going to change the fact of your weight. When you begin to experience some peace, you will experience some peace around food. When you begin to feel peace, you will have the energy to take better care of yourself. Weight loss will no longer be a struggle. You will be at peace whether you lose weight or not. The funny thing is when you choose peace, it frees up the space for the weight loss to happen! When you are no longer at war with reality, you will choose behaviors that support you, instead of working against you. Has beating yourself up about your weight ever worked for you? Has holding on to all this unhappiness given you what you want in life? If the answer is no, your solution is quite simple. Try something else. If you are not willing to try something else, make peace with what you have, because it will not change and neither will you. It’s that simple. The truth is when you grow tired enough of the same old thing, you will try something different.
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Interested in weight loss coaching? Contact Catherine for a free consultation!
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