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Just Say No! Stop the People Pleasing! Pretty Please? - Issue #41
October 22, 2013
All the water in the world cannot drown you unless it gets inside of you.
How many times have we let someone else’s negativity or bad mood spoil our day? How many of us feel responsible for another’s happiness? How many times have we eaten over some negative comment that someone made? Lots of us are people pleasers. Our happiness is tied to how happy we make others. When we do this, we sacrifice ourselves, our happiness, and our integrity. No one’s happiness should be more important than our own.
It’s nice if people are pleased by what we do, but we shouldn’t be living to please others at our own expense. Each person is responsible for their own mental state and moods. We cannot take on that responsibility for another or we are going to suffer. Many people pleasers wear a serene, smiling face in public; and once they get home, find themselves bingeing or eating to stuff their resentments and comfort themselves.
Having to appear like you’re pleasant and happy all the time and being an emotional doormat to others is exhausting. It’s also a breeding grounding for self-neglect. People pleasers often feel they have no right to say no and to have needs, and may not have a clue as to what their real needs are. Food is often the only way they meet their emotional needs.
When we are being true to ourselves, we will sometimes displease others and that needs to be ok. We have to accept the fact that we can’t please everyone. If we try, we lose ourselves, our peace, our health and sometimes our sanity. If we want to overcome overeating, we can’t afford to pay this price anymore. We can practice saying no to small requests, and as this becomes easier, we can then begin to say no to larger things.
Setting appropriate boundaries protects us against other people’s negativity. We need to recognize that what other people say and do is a reflection of them, not us. Realizing that fact helps us to detach, let go, and not take things so personally.
If people say or do things that continually offend us, we can let them know we won’t tolerate that kind of behavior anymore. We may need to distance ourselves from those people. If they continue on, we can choose to let go of them.
Am I living to please others? Or am I striving to be true to myself?
It’s time for me to stop being a doormat and stand up and be counted. I have a right to my own wants and needs. To thine own self be true.
Feast for the Eyes - Wine Country - Photo by Catherine L. Taylor
I say no easily and firmly.
My pleasure radiates outward and provides true nourishment for others.
I act in ways that are pleasing to me.
I have a right to take care of my needs.
I give to others when I really want to.
I find peace by staying out of others’ business and tending to my own.
Taking good care of myself isn’t selfish; it’s having a real Self to take care of.
Is emotional eating keeping you from losing weight and living the life you want? Are you ready to get off the diet rollercoaster and master your weight and your life?
If so, you may be a candidate for coaching. Coaching can make the difference between success and failure.
I have found that people who struggle with food and emotional eating are released from that prison once they learn the skills of mindful awareness and mindful eating, emotional self-nurturing, developing a spiritual or meditation practice, and learning to set appropriate limits and goals.
This turns off the urge to overeat and engage in other compulsive behaviors. When you feel better, you eat better! I have walked this path myself, and it has led me to peace and freedom.
The goal of my coaching is to create a lighter, balanced, healthier, nourishing and joy-filled life. You will begin to see results in all areas of your life because How You do Food is How You do Life!®
I coach and mentor people in the areas of: permanent weight loss, food addiction, compulsive, emotional overeating, binge eating recovery, creative self expression, spiritual direction, mindfulness, meditation, self care and stress management, self esteem and body image issues.
Note: My work is spiritually focused, not religious, and fits with any belief system you may have, even agnostic. My work assumes that you have all the wisdom and answers you need inside of you.
What you call this place -- God, intuition, Higher Power, inner wisdom, or true self -- is up to you. I am simply a guide bringing you back to the truths that are already inside of you.
I hope you have enjoyed my newsletter. Drop me a line and let me know how you are doing. I love to hear what's working for you and read about your success stories.
Catherine L. Taylor
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©2013 Catherine L. Taylor. All rights reserved. No portion of this newsletter may be reprinted in any form without express permission from the author.
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