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Just Say No! Stop the People Pleasing! Pretty Please? - Issue #41
October 22, 2013


All the water in the world cannot drown you unless it gets inside of you.
—Eleanor Roosevelt

How many times have we let someone else’s negativity or bad mood spoil our day? How many of us feel responsible for another’s happiness? How many times have we eaten over some negative comment that someone made? Lots of us are people pleasers. Our happiness is tied to how happy we make others. When we do this, we sacrifice ourselves, our happiness, and our integrity. No one’s happiness should be more important than our own.

It’s nice if people are pleased by what we do, but we shouldn’t be living to please others at our own expense. Each person is responsible for their own mental state and moods. We cannot take on that responsibility for another or we are going to suffer. Many people pleasers wear a serene, smiling face in public; and once they get home, find themselves bingeing or eating to stuff their resentments and comfort themselves.

Having to appear like you’re pleasant and happy all the time and being an emotional doormat to others is exhausting. It’s also a breeding grounding for self-neglect. People pleasers often feel they have no right to say no and to have needs, and may not have a clue as to what their real needs are. Food is often the only way they meet their emotional needs.

When we are being true to ourselves, we will sometimes displease others and that needs to be ok. We have to accept the fact that we can’t please everyone. If we try, we lose ourselves, our peace, our health and sometimes our sanity. If we want to overcome overeating, we can’t afford to pay this price anymore. We can practice saying no to small requests, and as this becomes easier, we can then begin to say no to larger things.

Setting appropriate boundaries protects us against other people’s negativity. We need to recognize that what other people say and do is a reflection of them, not us. Realizing that fact helps us to detach, let go, and not take things so personally.

If people say or do things that continually offend us, we can let them know we won’t tolerate that kind of behavior anymore. We may need to distance ourselves from those people. If they continue on, we can choose to let go of them.

Am I living to please others? Or am I striving to be true to myself?

It’s time for me to stop being a doormat and stand up and be counted. I have a right to my own wants and needs. To thine own self be true.



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Feast for the Eyes - Wine Country - Photo by Catherine L. Taylor




Quotes

  • The art of pleasing is the art of deception.
    —Luc de Clapiers
  • There just isn't any pleasing some people. The trick is to stop trying.
    —Robert Mitchum
  • Following our inner guidance may feel risky and frightening at first, because we are no longer playing it safe, doing what we 'should' do, pleasing others, following rules, or deferring to outside authority.
    —Shakti Gawain
  • There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God's.
    —Byron Katie
    When I'm unhappy, I need to ask myself: "Whose business am I in?"





  • Weekly Affirmations

    I say no easily and firmly.

    My pleasure radiates outward and provides true nourishment for others.

    I act in ways that are pleasing to me.

    I have a right to take care of my needs.

    I give to others when I really want to.

    I find peace by staying out of others’ business and tending to my own.

    Taking good care of myself isn’t selfish; it’s having a real Self to take care of.



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    I hope you have enjoyed my newsletter. Drop me a line and let me know how you are doing. I love to hear what's working for you and read about your success stories.

    Many Blessings,

    Catherine

    Catherine L. Taylor
    Thinnerisms®
    How You do Food is How You do Life!
    http://www.secretsofaweightlossmaster.com






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